Stockholm Syndrome
by Iulia
Summary: [Enishi X Kaoru]You stare at his hand as he offers it to you, expecting you to take hold of it.  You know that you’ve been waiting for this for so long…so damn long.  So why don’t you want to take it?  Why are you simply staring and not reaching?


Author's notes: Hello, the first fanfic I've ever tried to write was an Enishi X Kaoru fanfic. Unfortunately I didn't have an internet connection back then and I was never able to finish it. Well, I've suddenly remembered that enikao was once my OTP so here's my tribute to them. I know it's not a very popular pairing but hey, Stockholm syndrome's the best way to fall in love… so… yeah. XD Oh and I'm gonna be changing a bunch of things… first, there will be no Saito… so no police… no Enishi apprehension. Oh, also, kenshin says 'let's go home, kaoru-dono' and offers his hand before they leave the island.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin and its characters.

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**Stockholm Syndrome**

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"Let's go home, Kaoru-dono."

You stare at his hand as he offers it to you, expecting you to take hold of it. And you muse that it's a very romantic notion – going home with your hands joined together. You know that you've been waiting for this for so long… so damn long. So why don't you want to take it? Why are you simply staring and not reaching?

For the life of you, you can't answer.

You know that he's looking at you with an appraising look, confused at why you wouldn't cooperate but you can hardly force yourself to care. You're confused too… or maybe you're not. Maybe you're just in denial. Because you know that the real reason – which you won't acknowledge – why you're not taking hold of the rurouni's hand is because you don't want to touch anything yet… not after you've brushed fingers with _him_ as you passed him the book. And also because you know that once you take hold of that hand, you're going to be leaving him behind… and for some reason, you can't bear the thought…

You want to shake yourself and strangle yourself because you're hurting everyone who cares about you by simply hesitating. You know that they've come such a long way and that they've risked life and limb just to get to you, to rescue you. But your mind can't seem to process that. No, your mind can't process that yet… it's too transfixed on the man kneeling on the ground behind you, broken and beaten.

"Kaoru-dono, is something wrong?"

His voice jostles you out of your musings and you look up only to see a pained expression on the rurouni's face. And you hate yourself for putting it there. You're such an evilevilevil person for doing this to him but… that doesn't seem to faze you. You know that you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't do this. And you know that you're being selfish but it doesn't matter to you… not right now. So you do what your heart has been telling you ever since you faced your friends… you turn away.

So now, you find yourself looking at the clearest turquoise that you've ever seen. You're thankful that the glasses are gone because really, he looks better without them and it's such a shame that he always hides his eyes. And your heart jumps because you realize that he's been watching too. And you… you're staring at each other. And you can't help but think about what your friends must feel about this current situation and that they must be hating you right now. But you find that none of that matters as you're feeling such a peculiar tug in your heart that's urging you to just gather the man up in your arms and soothe him and console him until all his pain goes away.

"Kaoru-dono…"

But the tug is persistent and though the one you thought you loved – love, you correct yourself… love… because you still love him, right? Anyway, though the one you 'love' is calling out to you, you refuse to heed him and face him again. Instead, you find yourself crouching and reaching out to touch the cheek of the one in front of you. He flinches and you draw your hand away, thinking that he probably doesn't appreciate the contact. But you're promptly corrected as you suddenly find yourself encased in the long lean arms of 'the enemy'.

And suddenly it all becomes clear as you wrap your arms around his sobbing form, careful not to exacerbate any of his injuries. And you soothe and you stroke as he sobs and you both stay that way until he calms down, wracking sobs making way for even, deep breaths that indicate a tranquil slumber. You've taken to running your hands through his snow-white locks, thankful that he has finally calmed down, when a voice cuts you from your reverie.

"Kaoru-dono, come on, let's go home…"

The future holds so much uncertainty. Your friends will never forgive you for what you're going to do. You're going to be breaking the heart of a man whom you once loved. He's still a criminal, a dealer of death, and you don't really know if you can help him or if he'd want your help. You're not even sure if he will love you back… but… consequences be damned, you're not going to abandon him now… not when he's at his weakest… you can't… and you doubt you ever will…

"I'm sorry, Kenshin…"

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Hours later, when he's bandaged and cleaned and you're doing nothing but staring at his sleeping form, you fight the urge to cry as you realize that you've betrayed all your friends and that, as a result, they've left you and you'll probably never see them again. And worst of all, you realize that you deserve it… you deserve every bit of disdain they put upon you because you're such a selfish, evil, and rotten person.

And you don't even know if what you did was right. You don't know if Yukishiro Enishi really is worth losing all your friends over. You don't know anything and the future's just so uncertain that you just want to roll over and die so you won't have to feel the uncertainty anymore…

You've no doubt in your mind that your friends will take you back if you return to them with apologies and regrets. But it's highly unlikely that you'll do that. For one thing, you don't want to… sure, you want to apologize. In fact, you've done that already. But you don't want to return… no… you want to stay and… silly as it may sound, spend the rest of your days cooking for the man sleeping in front of you… who is… no longer sleeping like you thought and has caught you shamelessly staring…

And the amazing thing is that he's staring back.

There's a thick and heavy silence that you can't seem to take… and since you've never been one for silence, you decide to break it.

"You're awake… uhhmmm… here, I cooked you some food, it's a bit cold now and I bet it tastes bad but it'll do, I guess."

And you're feeling so uneasy because he's staring you with such intensity that you can't help but look away.

"You stayed."

At the sound of his deep, smooth voice, you look back at him and find yourself, once again, staring into the most beautiful turquoise and what amazes you is that they're filled with the most fervent look of gratitude that you've ever seen.

And suddenly, it dawns on you… you've made the right decision. And that it… _he_ is worth it…

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FIN 


End file.
